Creating my short film: Father
All the cool behind the scenes photos were shot by Greg Schnabel.
A lot has transpired since I shot my short film, Father, back in October 2019. I’ve been sitting in front of my computer trying to process it all for about an hour now in an attempt to create a neat narrative that will fit into a blog post. The truth is… that the truth is nothing special. I have evolved as an artist and though I am very proud of this short film, I can acknowledge that it is not yet where I know I can be in terms of the quality and messages I want to express. Every artist finds themselves feeling this way after distance from a project.
I did the two years in the film festival circuit with little luck, whether that is my own fault with my stubborn refusal to self promote or a mere circumstance of where I stand in the hierarchy of talent, I don’t know. Regardless, I’m at peace with it. The point was to make something - to express! - and I did that. Now I’m ready to move onto something new. Thus, I want to make Father public viewing. I want to wear it proudly on my portfolio like a badge of honor. “I MADE THIS!” I really fucking did.
I wrote Father along with a collection of other micro shorts all centered around the topic of loneliness. I would stay up after my job, after dinner, after a shower, and write away under the glow of my all year round Christmas lights. At the time I was living in the solitude of my own apartment for the first time. I was continuously getting my heart broken by the same person like some hellish Groundhog Day. And I was repeatedly making the same videos with slight differences for a job fixated on branding. But I found a way to express these feelings of loneliness, disappointment, and every day mundanity in a way that was hopeful. I was aware that the lows bring highs as well and can both be equally beautiful in their own ways.
Father was the most personal of the ten stories. I immediately felt the need to make it come to life. At the beginning of August 2019 I made the decision to move away from Dallas. That lit a fire under my butt to get cracking on pre-production before I lost all the resources available to me.
I remember that day on set in October was such a happy day. To watch this rag-tag team of friends make something, the hunger to create mirrored back at me, was overwhelming. I turned to my producer at one point, teary eyed, and said “I am so happy right now.” My heart felt like it had swollen and would surely break my ribs from its size. It taught me that the creative fulfillment I seek, can only be given to me by me.
This is the face of a girl in her element.
So… I give thanks to this short film for being born and to everything and everyone that brought it into reality: the experiences, the crew, the timing, the moment. Thanks for that chapter of my artistic journey. And now, I’m buzzing to make something new.
In the past few years, I could see within my writing that the way I tell stories has evolved into something that feels more and more like I’m bridging the gap between my taste and my skill level. I’m writing this to close the door on this chapter of my artistic journey and to officially open what is coming. I hope you will, kindly, stay tuned.
For now, if you haven’t seen Father yet, here it is, my child. Enjoy!
